Exciting news for all my freedom-fighting feminists. Years of campaigning, marches, throwing yourselves under the king’s horses have all been made worthwhile… Doritos have now announced that they will soon be releasing ‘lady-friendly’ tortilla chips and it’s just the news we’ve been waiting for!
God bless all you strong independent women, your voices have been heard and justice is being brought to you by leaps and bounds. You’ve stayed strong you’ve let your voices soar and now we have a response.
Doritos have announced that they would soon be releasing ‘lady-friendly’ tortilla chips. They aim to be quieter to eat, less messy and come in a packet designed to fit in handbags.
The owners of Doritos (PepsiCo) claim research they’ve conducted found that women don’t like to crunch too loudly or lick their fingers in front of other people.
“They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little-broken pieces and the flavour in their mouth” – Indra Nooyi, Global Chief Executive of PepsiCo
They believe that it’s not a question of having gendered crisps, it’s more about having a snack for women that are designed and packaged differently. “And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon.
“For women [it’s about] low-crunch, the full taste profile, not having so much of the flavour on the fingers and how can you put it in a purse. Because women love to carry a snack in their purse.”
There you have it gals. Fuck the wage gap, bollocks to your maternity leave and screw the inequalities of sexual harassment in the workplace, you’ve now got Lady Doritos!
Sure, they’re not going to be as loud, which means what? They’re going to be soggy wet crisps that you have to chew. Why? Because women like to be seen and heard, duh! You already knew that, didn’t you? Furthermore, they’re probably going to cost more as well. Now that’s gender equality!
For years you ladies have struggled to eat crisps as they don’t fit in your delicate purses, but not no more! No longer will you suffer in silence. God bless all of you suffragettes. Each and every one of you.
Anyway, a little bonus for you all. Below is a video of Piers Morgan ranting about the Lady Doritos for your viewing pleasure.
Will you be queueing up to buy these? Is it just what you wanted? Also, at Thirsty we love hearing all of your opinions. So please let us know what you thought of the article in the comment section. 🧀