There’s nothing more awful than a dad joke. They’re usually pretty stupid, contain very little humour and make you grown in despair. But every now and then, a good one slips through the cracks.
No honestly, sometimes a real corker just swings by and you can’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it. But that’s what makes comedy special, the surprise attack.
Now, I’m sure a lot of people would say that comedy has become a little bit too mean-spirited and rude. Hate comics like Bianca Del Rio and Frankie Boyle are known for their shock factor humour, but that’s what makes them fantastic.
But I promise this list won’t be offensive, in fact, these are some real family-friendly jokes that you can take home to your kids.
So have a gander through this list at our top 20 dad jokes that really gave us a good giggle.
1. If you have 10 apples in one hand and 13 apples in the other hand, what do you have?
Really big hands.
2. I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them could make the finals.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
3. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a huge plus.
4. George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”
DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”
McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”
5. I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know Y
6. Not only is my thesaurus terrible… It’s also terrible.
7. What do we want? Low-flying plane noises!
When do we want them? NEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW
8. I took part in the sunbed Olympics… But I only got bronze.
9. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password.
It’s not stroganoff
10. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
11. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course, the Empire State Building can’t jump!
12. What is the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
13. If you’re ever cold, stand in the corner of the room for a short while.
They’re usually 90 degrees.
14. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
15. A horse walks into a bar:
The bartender says: “Hey”
The horse says: “Sure”
16. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
17. A man walks into a lawyer’s office and asks, “How much do you charge?”
The lawyer says, “$5,000 for three questions.”
“Wow, that’s pretty expensive, isn’t it?” the man asks.
“Yes,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”
18. What does Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
The same middle name.
19. How NASA organise a party?
20. Murphy’s Law says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Cole’s Law is thinly sliced cabbage.
There you go, the 20 best (and cleanest) dad jokes on the internet that we’ve found. Share them with your family, make your work colleagues groan or just go on a spree of naff jokes that are surprisingly funny.
If you have any of your own let us know in the comment section below. At Thirsty we love hearing all of your opinions. So please let us know what you thought of the article. 🃏